It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
