Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
