Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and she was petting her beer can
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
