I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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