Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
