i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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