My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
