he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
