too bad you live with your parents still
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
