yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
