Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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