im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
