All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
