she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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