Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
