Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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