I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
