He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
