come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
