is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
