I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
