We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
