i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
