Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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