perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
