I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i drank out of a bidet.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize