you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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