Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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