i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And then he peed in my hair
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