Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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