That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
