for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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