Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
