I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sorry about my life...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize