Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
