How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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