did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bring me that man meat
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
