She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
