Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
