Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
