so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
