It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
