I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize