my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Randomize
