How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
