I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
