And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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