I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
