I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
