so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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