i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
