super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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