Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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