Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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