I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize