Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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