Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
