The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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