she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
