i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
