i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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