And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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