I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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