im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
