I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
birth control should be required to get into college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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