If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize